My photo
i laugh too loud. i sing all the time. i cry easily. i've been told i have the oddest sense of humor. ever. yes, i'm the one in the movies laughing when no one else gets it. the only time i dance is for my kids. they love my "rubber dance!" remember in school when you use to shake your pencils til they looked all bendy and rubbery? yeah, it's like that! ha! i stay up late and wake up early. i see a therapist who helps keep me straight and making good decisions. i do not speak to my mother and think this is great! I am moody, opinionated, emotional, intelligent, and empathetic. i love all things girly but mostly shoes, and have a bizarre infatuation with the following: lady gaga, celine dion, stacy london, britney spears. (how the heck does that even make sense?!) oh yeah and i am addicted to my iPhone.


katy interviewed me: [ps: go check it outttt!]

Saturday, July 03, 2010

update on Jace's Painting

tonight i showed up at leslie's door with Jace's painting in hand. with my girls rallying in the car, a bug eyed dog staring at me through a glass door, and the sounds of "who in the world could be here?" ringing from someone inside, i stood, nervous, not knowing what leslie's reaction might be.

i was an unannounced visitor. and when leslie opened the door, she was surprised and demanded to know what i was doing there and why did i have the painting with me. when i tried to give it to her, she declined, saying that i won the painting, it was mine. i reminded her that i knew this, and i could do with it what i pleased, correct?

daniel's painting has a calming peace about it. before i ever even won the painting i decided that if i did, i would give it to leslie. she would derive the most from this grand piece of art. i did not know if she would even want the painting, if it would be too painful, but the peace that exudes from this particular piece of work would not and could not be too painful for her to have. there is something miraculous about this painting, and it was my honor to surprise her with it.

the painting is in its final home, where it belongs, with the people who love Jace the most. a beautiful piece of artwork that has brought so much peace to me, now resides with the person who needs peace from it the most.

i love you leslie! no one deserves this more than you!


Friday, July 02, 2010

Out of this World.

In Loving Memory of Jace Burgess.
"We are home now, out of this world"
Oil on unprimed
3ft x 4ft
Artist: Daniel Gulick
Never forget & never stop praying for Justice for Jace !

maybe it is the fact that i was abused that Jace's story holds a special place in my heart.
maybe it was because i'd met this amazing little boy and knew his family, not all of them, and not all of them well, but enough to know their hearts and characters.
whatever reason it is, i have not gone one day since hearing the news that he was in the hospital without thinking or praying for and of him or his family for the bulk of my day.

i was already on a path of fulfillment, to change specific patterns in behaviors to make life better for my ladies. so they did not have to endure, see, or hear any more of a life that i grew up in, married into, and brought into my home. 

Jace is special. His family is the epitome of what i wish i could provide for my daughters and someday i may get that chance. until then, my friends will continue to be my supplemental family-the lucky dogs! tonight, they did the drawing for the painting that a very special man did to remember Jace. i never win anything, and leslie pulled my name out of the box! i wanted to run down like i was on the price is right!!!

this painting holds a special place in my heart. i already know where it will go, and i am excited to have the opportunity to be able to cherish this beautiful piece of artwork. even though i don't need to look at it to think of Jace or his family, it is nice to look at it, and see that it is significant to the journey that Jace has, and that we all will make one day. to be home...out of this world...

Jace & Leslie & Family have made me slow down and look at what i have and cherish it.

to look at my daughters and say yes, it IS okay to sit in my lap for a few even though you are SO big and it's SO hot. my mother never did enjoy that.
to look at my little friends and hold them a bit longer, take that extra time. i am already good at what i do, but spoiling every once in a while isn't that bad, is it? i don't think so.
to say YES you can have that oreo before dinner instead of harp on how they didn't eat their green beans.
for the first time since my ladies were babies, i allowed them to crawl into my bed without immediately taking them back to their own.
to turn off the computer, the tv, & the phones and say yes girls, it is time for us to do something together.

So Thank You Jace, Leslie, Stacey, Stan, Peggy, Nancy, & Andrew
you all showed me what a family is, and should be for one another. in good times, and in the hard times. and you taught me that even though i am teaching my girls independence and self-reliance, i can still let loose long enough to teach them something i was never taught:
Family Togetherness.

Donations to the Jace Burgess Funeral Fund
Donations can be made at any local Arvest Bank or mailed to:
Arvest Bank at 1515 S. Utica Ave, Tulsa, OK 74114 c/o Jace Burgess Funeral Fund.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

1 Word.

oh my word.
i took leslie to go see the trilogy to keep us busy. i ended up seeing like 100 million people that i know.
i can't go anywhere in tulsa without running into someone. it's hilarious.
my friends have no clue how i know so much about each other.
it's just random really.
shopping...and find out who's pregnant and who thinks they are.
i do not gossip by any means but if asked outright, unless the information is something not my business, i don't mind sharing.

oh and just so you all know:
i am not team edward or team jacob.

all the way!!!!
ok blogger is acting all freaktastic on me. i have only a left line alignment? what the crap is that? grrr.
ok pic time!
one of my sweet ones was late getting picked up. he doesn't like leaving my house, hence the face.

look who shows up: ang. crazy cracka chick!

and she brings all this baggage with her! i use to babysit these children.
in diapers.
i am old.

wow i'm dark.
leslie was holding back a belch. hahaha

Ran into Misty & Katy too! I was so excited!! (Can you tell?)
Had to buy the shirt. Wow.
Leslie was NOT holding back a belch here.
eclipse started at 12:02 and over at 2:05.
i trudged in at 2:30 am.
i have no pics of this. there never will be any.

6:50 am (that) the next morning.
still bright and peppy as ever.
and yes, i slept in my eclipse shirt.
don't hate.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Neglectful Diva. Bad Diva.

Until roughly 2 weeks ago, I have not posted much at all, I have noticed that many of you have come to my site in the last few months sporadically and I hope that you didn't give up on me!! I am so sorry that I neglected my BlogFamily-but there were many things that I neglected the past few months and I had to square them away before returning to my BlogLand.
Now that these things are dealt with, I am hoping to continue to blog on a regular basis or semi regular. I may not participate in some BlogWorld shared events, but I hope to eventually.
Please bear with me as I journey to become less neglectful and more sharing!!! =)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Life Taken.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. -Mother Teresa

Today we lost a life. A life that was tiny, but was a huge integral part of this world. Jace was a 3 year old little machine...a force to be reckoned with. His mother, Leslie, made sure he got all the love and hugs and kisses in the world. I believe wholeheartedly that she is also the reason he was so strong, so determined, and such a force!

Today will forever be in my memory. The day a life was taken. Jace wasn't just playing one day and then fell. Jace was murdered. Someone decided to shake him violently and take his life from him, from his mother, from his family! I cannot begin to imagine how Leslie and her family are even coping-or how they will continue to cope from this day forth without their precious Jace. I am having a hard time not crying and staying calm, and I'm not even his parent. I don't know if I could be as strong as Leslie has been throughout this. I don't know if I could endure this with half the grace she has.

Jace was an amazing boy. His smile was infectious, his laughter so cute! He had a light in his eyes that was undeniably put there by the caring nature of his mother and by his own mischievous nature. (Nurtured by his mother no doubt! LOL) He was a sweet, kind soul, with a beautiful heart and a playful nature. He had his moments, as most children do, but even those were laughable and memorable!!!

Jace, you are loved and missed.

Leslie, anything you need, if I can provide it, I will.

Lord, wrap your arms around Leslie & her family. Cloak them in your love, your peace, and your strength. Give them your shoulder to cry on, your arms to run into, your lap to sit in, and your words to live by. You will take good care of Jace, we know this. It is hard to accept that he is in a better place because he is not here with his family, but acceptance will come in time. It is hard to let him go because he was so amazing and special, and they want him here with them. Surround them Lord, in this hard time. Thank you Lord, for your grace, your mercy, and your never-ending love. Amen.

Jace Burgess

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

random thought tuesday

brought to you by the unmom.

of course, twisted slightly by yours truly who decided to add a timer so you can see just how awesome random i actually am...

60 seconds! aaaaand....go!

hey fat jesus, can i have your man-purse!?

a steam vac has been sitting in my living room for months. my floor continues to be stained, and yet the vac sits, unused, neglected...

sarah jessica parker never ever needs to move to the country. flannel does nothing for her nose.

the theme for clifford the big red dog is playing non stop in my head. i think maybe all the noggin songs replay in my head throughout the day...


someone please inform me why the cutest fucking dress at gymboree had to be 36 fucking dollars? for a dress for my 6 year old!? are you kidding me?? and it was ON SALE!? i will never ever again feel  bad for my wal mart/toys r us clothing purchases! EVER. and if you think less of me for this, i don't care.

*...muttering about 36 dollars for a fucking dress for a 6 year old...*

why oh why does my daughter think ketchup, peach syrup (from a peach can), water, and yogurt is "science"??

let's not forget to top it with "e-z cheese" *le sigh*

so there's this girl. & i miss her tons...i love you still!

ok...geez...haiti...i get it...
 i mean, i care, but...don't we have our own shit to worry about? economy, job security, social security, ummm...etc...yeah...just sayin. enough's enough.

whoa...is my hair out?

...rick-a-rick-a reverse...

why is everytime i turn on the tv it's something about the jackson 5?
i thought we were over this shit?

are we really supposed to care that obama sent his first presidential tweet? oh, i'm sorry i shouldn't assume that's annoying to everyone. i shall rephrase: am i really supposed to care that obama sent his first presidential tweet?

is the president tweeting part of his job description? i am so picturing him in the oval office with his nose in his cell phone and a stack of unemployment figures on his desk.

who would download an app to prohibit texting whilst driving?

p.s.: avatar rocked. so i heard. i shall try to watch it today for the 2nd time & hope i don't fall asleep. again. lol

would you pick your child's gender if you could?

im on a sound diet. if it sounds good...i eat it.

i'm dyin: june 30th, people. june 30th.

yeahhhh thinkin' that's about all i got...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Uh huh...

Yes, I realize that I have not posted.

Yes, I will in the very near future.

For now, you will have to just do THIS: (I did  it looks hella-funtastic!)

Loves of Life

Love Love Peeps.

Friday, December 11, 2009

scars remind us where we've been...

in the movie forrest gump, there's a quote in there that goes like this:

forrest: momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes. where they're going. where they've been. i've worn lots of shoes. i bet if I think about it real hard i could remember my first pair of shoes.

scars are harder to read than shoes. with shoes, you can tell a hooker from a business woman. a librarian from a track runner. a soccer player from an artist. you can label people from their shoes. but strip them down, and we are all the same.

i get along with most people i meet. but there are some who don't like me. i don't know why. i don't understand why. and it bugs me to death if someone doesn't like me. i think i'm the nicest person in the world. i would do anything for anyone if i thought it would make that person smile. a lot of people perceive my kindness for weakness. people underestimate me constantly.

someone told me the other day that they thought i was a snob because of how i acted when i first met them like 9 years ago. i use to be extremely shy in first meetings. i'd try to act nonchalant, play with my hair, look anywhere but at the person i'm meeting. seeing me now, no one would imagine that i was shy in any setting. now, i walk right up and introduce myself. i do silly things and talk about random shit.

i wasn't just shy. i had scars. scars that berated me with "you shouldn't be here" and "you don't belong here this is wrong" and "all men want is one thing" and "this is an abomination" and countless other no-no's that were instilled in me growing up. scars that made me afraid to speak out or speak up or to be myself. scars that riddled me with so little self esteem that i was terrified to be ignored, laughed at, or thought as odd. the funny thing is, i actually think my oddity now is a trademark.

with scars, you can't have preconceived notions. you can't have assumptions. you have to jump in and put away your pride and you have to get to know that person so that maybe you can understand them, where they are coming from, where they've been, and where they are going.

so the next time you see someone and they rub you the wrong way, or you think wow, that's kinda...hmmm...they're weird i don't think i like them,

put away the snobbery. put away the ridicule you feel. take a closer look. and retrace your steps, take their hand and say, hello. everyone has something going on. you never know who just lost a sibling, parent, lover, or child. you can't tell loss or heartbreak or disappointment by shoes.

but by scars you can find out a story. just a few of my stories:

scar #1:
where: knee
story: i was teaching my little brother how to ride a bike. we lived in a 3 bedroom section 8 apartment home at the top of a hill in the projects in fairfax, alabama. he ran into me as i let go of the bike because he got scared and turned the wheel. the spoke was tattered and jagged and ripped my knee open.
i do not have any communication with my brother any more. the things that occurred over this past summer sealed that up and i put it on the shelf to maybe open at a much later date. but i still have this story. and this story tells the tale of a once very close brother and sister.

scar #2:
where: chin
story: i was living in the above mentioned projects and i wanted a bike REALLY bad. my brother had just learned to ride my old one and my parents were poor so that meant i had to do without. (normal) so i wanted to ride my friend's brother's bike. my dad said no, because he didn't have the money to replace it if i broke it and also, this friend's brother was a teenager and his bike had no brakes. hahaha. see where this is going? so i rode it anyway and thought i was hot stuff popping wheelies over the speed mountains until i hit this one going too fast and it threw me off the bike.
i flew across the speed mountain and landed on my stomach on some old woman's driveway. and i remember thinking wow, that was close! and then the next thing i knew my head was smashed into the concrete, chin down and i busted my chin open. the bike had flown into the air and came down right on my head.
my mother said i was being dramatic and that i could walk home when the old lady called her to come get me. she said i was a drama queen and it was just a scratch and she didn't want to miss her "General Hospital." i ended up getting 72 stitches. and i still have the scar. it taught me: never get overly confident &  don't trust my mother to love anything or anyone except herself.

scar #3
where: can't see it.
story: when i was 6 years old, i was awakened by my sister who was 13. she told me that she loved me and gave me her crimping iron (i'd been gawking at it since she bought it) and that if she could take me with her, she would. i did not see her again until i was 16. and then not again until i was 21. @ the age of 22, i found out some stuff that my mother had been lying about and i called my sister up and talked to her. now, my sister and i are pretty close. it has taken 6 long agonizing years of tearing away that scar tissue to repair 15 years worth of damage to our sister-relationship. but those 6 years have been worth it.

scar #4
where: lower back & sides
story: i have riddles of scars on my lower back and sides from my ex husband. he got mad enough to where he actually threw me through a double window-paned sliding glass door. i went through it. shattered both panes. flipped over the couch on the balconey. this was the incident that sent myself & lady o into the er. i was pregnant with lady n. and i never went back.

soooo idk where or why this post came out of me today. but maybe another day, i'll share some more scars. and when i do, you'll have some insights into ms. diva. that may or may not change your thoughts about me.

ps: i have decided to change my pattern with men. the next one will not be a woman beating fool. LOL

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

random thoughts tuesday

       brought to you by the unmom.
with a slight twist from moi by adding in a timer.
 because to me, random thoughts are refreshing when you don't know what imma be sayin' next!

you know the drill. i rock. timer is set to 60 seconds. lets see what i can get outta my brain now!

you must check out my girl's site. she's new so she needs encouragement. go now. yes. NOW. i did not stutter!

i miss my emotional twinkie. she needs to hurrythehellup and come home before i go into permanent withdrawals. =(

really want pizza but will settle for subway.

hearing babies laughing makes me laugh too. contagious much?

i am super duper happy with my life right now.

i want the ex to stop e mailing me. especially @ midnight. i don't need that shit.

i want a dyson for christmas. i could love vacuuming, right?

reeses pb cups are now made with nuts and pecans in them.

can i say heaaavenlyyyyyyyy without sounding like pb cups is code for "i got laid last night?" hahahahaaaaa no? allright. fine. *pout*

some babies are NOT pretty when first born. why is it not okay to state this when asked? what am i supposed to do? LIE?

what possessed lady gaga to have beyonce sing with her? i mean was she sitting at the studio somewhere jammin to a beat and thought "wow, i know exactly what this song needs....beyonce-tude!" and poof...telephone was born?

and was that beyonce in that song or was it sasha fierce? because i'm totally confused now. hmmm

read on my other girl's site comments that adam lambert is trying to be a total boy britney. yanno what?

i totally agree! hilarity!
i can so hear him (adam lambert) singing "i'm miss american dream since i was seventeen...do YOU wanna piece of me!?"

no, adam. i do NOT want a piece of you. and ps. the cover of your album looks like PINK in DRAG!

good for him, bad for her? unsure.

did i seriously use 45 seconds on adam lambert? what's wrong with mi cabeza??? i don't think i spent 2 seconds on AI listening to him sing?

crap. time to feed the kids. and the dinger's about to ding. yeah right about....

i want your psycho, your vertigo schtick...

stefani aka "lady gaga"

the first time i heard lady gaga was wayyyy early last year [maybe even late the year before?] i don't remember! lol.

i wanted to fight it. i wanted to hate her. she was so skinny, so tall, so blonde, so unlike anything i had ever heard or seen before. a friend of mine's father has a "connection" with the releases of new artists/films, etc and she got a pre-released demo of the first few songs lady gaga was to be releasing. [yes, i'm bragging, no i don't feel bad about it! lol]

but i didn't hate her. i LOVED her. i adored her pop-py tune and the oddity of her voice, her style. and she hasn't disappointed with her videos either! [btw, for you true blood fans, eric, the vampire sheriff, plays as her lover in the video paparazzi! he is soooo handsome! and how lucky for gaga! she got to kiss him! even though he did shove her off the balconey. bad eric! bad bad eric!]

so omw back from texas the other night, i bought her "the fame monster" album because i mean, i hadn't gotten it yet & i really really really wanted to have the song at my house! [the ex took the computer with the iTunes on it, (his computer so it's all good) and i wasn't able to copy to cd. so i can't plug up my iPod to add new music or i lose all 4.5 days i already have stored on it. booooo!]

of course bad romance is the hit on this particular release but the song i am addicted to is actually "alejandro" i don't know why,  but it has an addicting beat. i'm not too crazy about her speechless song (too slow) and i thought telephone was pretty awesome til beyonce starting singing. so....

here's my fav song of hers, no video yet but i'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting!

i watched her on fuse last night and she has a pretty awesome aura about her. she also explained a lot of her songs on there and her reasonings behind her work. i was completely into it. don't ask me why. it's kinda weird for me to be this gaga over an artist (i don't know if that pun was intended yet or not...lol) she said bad romance's lyrics had to do with alfred hitchcock movies because she is a huge fan of his...

i want your psycho
your vertigo schtick
want you in my rear window
when your baby is sick (referenced to rosemary's baby)

and i honestly don't know why i have devoted this entire post to lady gaga, but i am definitely a huge gaga fan. and i heard that when she sang monster in boston, she opened up singing "boston ate my heart..." instead of "he ate my heart" and i don't know why i think that is awesometastic, [maybe cause i was just there? idk] but i do so whatev!

lol now that you think im completely insane, just go listen to alejandro if you can. it's catchy. seriously.