i suppose i should blog now, eh?

i bet you think i died.

or went on a month long sleeping binge.

or perhaps i decided to wallow around in my own self pity and forget about my lovely blog readers.

or i'm blogging on the protected site, detoxing diva.

well i've done none of those.

ok ok i did go on a laying around the house in my new pink robe

(that i bought myself for my birthday) and off and on sleeping for 1 weekend (my birthday weekend) because of some things that had gone on but you know what?

i deserved it.

i deserved it because i work hard, no matter what anyone else thinks.

because i'm a good mom and a working mother is the busiest person there is if she does it right and even busier when she doesn't!

because i've spent my life doing for others and giving and doing and it was about time i did something for me.

so here i sit, letting you know that i'm not dead. or wallowing. or sleeping. or cheat-blogging @ the closed site.

guess what i AM doing?

i am:

being a better mother

being a better worker

being more positive about myself

being active (wow 10 lbs already are you kidding me?) even though it's more like umm yeah having trouble eating...

taking care of ME. (Jax, totally took your suggestions, & you are rocktastic, woman! Thanks chica!)

writing. as in, writing again. not blogging. but writing. it is wonderful.

i'm busy! but a GOOD busy. i'm not exhaustifyingly trying to get some emotion in or out of someone who just wasn't into being emotional on any scale. i'm cleaning and going to the park and getting out with other mothers and their children (loveeee me some becks!) and am helping the girls with their homework and just basically doing all the things i'm supposed to be doing but it just feels like there's this huge heavy burden lifted right off of my shoulders and i'm unsure of what that means exactly at this moment in time but i do know that it feels GREAT!

it is so refreshing to not have to worry about what time the dishes are done and how fast they get done. to not have to worry about being so clean and perfect and exact at every moment about little tiny things!

i can breathe now. and i can dance at 6:30 am with Lady Gaga blaring while the ladies dress themselves. no more tippy-toeing around and no more shhh's! and no more my dressing the ladies because it was faster and they looked neater.

so if i'm not on here blogging it may just be because i'm happy! and happy diva doesn't know how to internalize happy and change it into sad because what sane person would do that?? diva only knows how to internalize sadness and change it into cynical & happy because that was easier than admitting i was just sad.

so. i'm here. and i'm happy. and i'm going to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging...because i now have stuff to talk about since i'm actually DOING stuff!

yay!!!!!!!!!