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i laugh too loud. i sing all the time. i cry easily. i've been told i have the oddest sense of humor. ever. yes, i'm the one in the movies laughing when no one else gets it. the only time i dance is for my kids. they love my "rubber dance!" remember in school when you use to shake your pencils til they looked all bendy and rubbery? yeah, it's like that! ha! i stay up late and wake up early. i see a therapist who helps keep me straight and making good decisions. i do not speak to my mother and think this is great! I am moody, opinionated, emotional, intelligent, and empathetic. i love all things girly but mostly shoes, and have a bizarre infatuation with the following: lady gaga, celine dion, stacy london, britney spears. (how the heck does that even make sense?!) oh yeah and i am addicted to my iPhone.


katy interviewed me: [ps: go check it outttt!]

Thursday, August 06, 2009


remember the mom from the show malcolm in the middle? you know how every episode she freaked out and screamed and yelled and was always whining and complaining and cursing people and a total freak? well that was my mother. only she didn't work. she wasn't "average" sized. she wasn't even really that pretty to be honest.
do not misunderstand. i do not HATE my mother. disappointed, yes. hate, no. i shall list all the things my mother did growing up for you. mind you, this is not an embellisment nor is it an exaggeration. this was my life growing up. and i hated it.

My mother...

  • yelled. all the time. she never spoke. speaking was foreign to her. unless someone not in our family was around.
  • hit. all the time. she never spanked, she beat: cord, hand, belt, hanger, newspaper. whatever was nearest to her when she got angry. and she kept on until she felt better. or got worn out. then she'd yell at us to "dry it up!"
  • watched TV. her couch was her haven. the TV was on all day every day and even into the late hours of the night. we knew better than to talk to her when a "show" was on, it would lead to yelling and spanking...of course when commercials came she would yell and spank, but not during the show.
  • was lazy. and still is. she told us more than once, in a non-joking tone, she had children so they could cater to her and do things for her. one time when i was 8, she had me boil her some tea and make it for her because she was watching her alltime favorite show! and didn't want to get up to make it herself. when i spilled the whole pitcher on the floor of the kitchen, [hell-oooo i was 8! it was heavy!] she went into a rage and switched my legs while making me clean it up. myself. it was hot. i have the scar from the burn on the inside of my arm to show for it. but when her show came back on, she'd be right back on her couch, watching it, on commercials, she'd continue yelling.
  • did not hug. she isn't a hugger. not then. not now. everytime i climbed into her lap to hug her, she'd say it's too hot get off me, or don't you have someone else to play with, or my favorite...go play with your dad, my show is on.
  • was impatient. and still is this, too. she had no time for us kids. she refused to make the time. we bored her. she said more than once that she should never have had kids because she didn't have the patience for them. i agree. we're all fucked up now.
  • lied. all the time. she can't help it. it's her nature. she was always mucking something up to make it dramatic or to screw other people up. to make her look good. i thought everything she said was the truth. now...i know everything she says is only a fraction of the truth. a small minute fraction.
  • is selfish. she only thinks of herself. she is always whining and complaining and has a multitude of excuses of why this or that wasn't done/said/etc...
  • is a hypocrite. she claims she is christian, but does more talking than she does walking.
  • is dramatic. she flies off the handle and uses her handicap as a crutch. i really dislike people that do that. everything is sooooooo much worse when it happens to her.
these are only a few that i can name off the top of my head of what i remember about my mom and what i know of how she acts now. she hasn't changed much. in fact, i think she only isn't as bad because there are no children in her house to care for. i can tell you this now though: if something happens to me, she sure as hell isn't getting my kids.

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