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i laugh too loud. i sing all the time. i cry easily. i've been told i have the oddest sense of humor. ever. yes, i'm the one in the movies laughing when no one else gets it. the only time i dance is for my kids. they love my "rubber dance!" remember in school when you use to shake your pencils til they looked all bendy and rubbery? yeah, it's like that! ha! i stay up late and wake up early. i see a therapist who helps keep me straight and making good decisions. i do not speak to my mother and think this is great! I am moody, opinionated, emotional, intelligent, and empathetic. i love all things girly but mostly shoes, and have a bizarre infatuation with the following: lady gaga, celine dion, stacy london, britney spears. (how the heck does that even make sense?!) oh yeah and i am addicted to my iPhone.


katy interviewed me: [ps: go check it outttt!]

Friday, September 18, 2009

manual of life.

life is complex and rather annoying. i'm sure most of you realize or at least awknowledge this. if you don't then you're just...well...oblivious or something to that effect.

manuals would have been a nice ditty at birth. of all the things you are supposed to say, should have said, should have done. that way when your best friend's boyfriend is seen only by you sneaking off with another chic, you can go to page 896 of your manual, section 4 where it talks about what to do when you catch your best friend's boyfriend cheating.

then you don't have that whole gut wrenching war of the mind: omg. should i tell her? no, it'll hurt her. i can't hurt her. what do i do? she'll get mad. she won't believe me. yah. the anxiety that comes with that can't be good. or healthy.

instead of a nice neat manual, we get to forage through this life taking what we get and getting what we take. some of us earn it, some of us already have it. either way, it's like we are all walking in different directions along the same strip of sidewalk. we have to shove, force, elbow, shoulder, and/or head butt our way through the crowd. if we don't do that then we get knocked down and stepped on because everyone is pretty much only worried about what happens in their own world.

and it does no good trying to leave a manual behind for the masses. it's not like anyone would read it and learn something from it. no two lives are alike. one person may have decided "she was a beautiful ray of sunshine, so i just had to go talk to her..." while another person, trying to follow the manual left, just can't go talk to the girl because his personality is different.
if manuals were available, would we use them anyway? i mean, how many people decide that they're going to put the exercise machine together anyway because it looks like a piece of cake?? how many people toss away the manuals to things as common as a camera, or can opener? would we treat a manual of life in the same fashion?

i'd like to think not. but the fact of the matter is, very few of us would use a life manual. most would only use it for the important things like when a friend loses a loved one or when the boyfriend is being an ass. maybe there'd be something valuable in there like "help with SATs." or "etiquette for the idiot." some would thumb through those i suppose.
maybe there isn't a life manual because people would totally trash it and do what they want anyway. then there's a screw up and they can't fix it per the manual.

and in that moment of despair, they wish for a manual that doesn't exist. because now they have to figure it out for themselves. and that...well...it just takes too much time and hurts too damn much.

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